I have spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how my style of supervision fits with the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy. I feel like the most challenging part was taking the pieces of what I believe are important and putting them into a framework that can be written on paper. The more I thought about it and tried to come up with a framework that makes sense, it occurred to me that the framework I was trying to put together actually already existed. That framework is ACES: Alliance, Conceptual, Experiential and Self-of-the-Therapist.

So many things that I value, even outside of EFT Supervision, are included in the ACES framework. I value emotional safety and being a secure base for both supervisees and clients, working with emotion to drive change, having a conceptual understanding of what I am supposed to do in the therapy room and also attending to person-of-the-therapist elements. Every single one of these elements are represented in the ACES framework.

Before I get into the sections, I feel it is important to mention a few things. First, just like the stages and steps of EFT and the EFT Tango, the ACES framework is fluid-meaning that I float back and forth between them. This is not a linear process. Second, the ideas of circularity and feedback loops also apply. What I put into the system between myself and the supervisee will come out and then go back into the system. Lastly, there is a parallel process occurring in the background. Many of the interventions we would use as an EFT therapist with our couples, we are also using as an EFT supervisor with our supervisees. I keep these ideas in mind regardless of which part of the ACES model I am working in.

Above all else, alliance and emotional safety in my relationship with supervisees are the most important aspect of supervision. By prioritizing this aspect of supervision, I am unlocking the other three pieces of the ACES framework. After all, if the EFT Supervisor does not have an alliance, it is impossible to create the emotional safety between the supervisor and supervisee needed to learn any kind of experiential therapy, like Emotionally Focused Therapy. Without emotional safety, it will be more difficult to help the EFT supervisee fully develop into a competent EFT therapist. This is why I privilege alliance and attunement to the supervisee.

I do a few things to start building the alliance right away from the beginning. When I start working with a new supervisee, I am mindful of seemingly small things that might increase the supervisee’s vulnerability. One of those seemingly small things is technology. Using video recording equipment and tele-video software can increase the vulnerability of the supervisee, even before we have watched any of the supervisee’s work. So I am mindful of this and help the supervisee find solutions to guide the supervisee through the use of technology. Right from the start, I feel this sets me up to be a secure base for my supervisee.

Another way I begin to build alliance and emotional safety is through feedback. Feedback is important in supervision. However, I don’t start out by letting the supervisee know what they need to change or do differently. I find myself using encouragement and praising the supervisee for using skills they already have and are already using in their EFT therapy sessions. I find that by using praise and positive feedback, I can create emotional safety between the supervisee and myself. This will allow us to do the deeper work later on. Of course, this is not to say I do not give constructive feedback. I do. I just believe when we can continue to use the skills that we are doing well and sprinkle in new skills, we can overcome the really challenging moments when we want to give up learning and using EFT.

A third strategy for creating emotional safety is playfulness. I love using little phrases like, “would you like to phone a friend” or “would you be willing to try a social experiment?” or “EFT ninja skill.” In my experiences so far, I feel that this playfulness brings down protective walls and brings humor into supervision. Playfulness and laughter is important.

Another strategy is through collaboration. I collaborate with my supervisees. While the supervisory relationship is naturally one of hierarchy, I feel it is important to have a relationship of collaboration. It provides a sense of “team” and acceptance while helping with the learning process.

Lastly, I work to build alliance, safety and security with my supervisee by sharing my own personal struggles while I was in supervision. This seemingly simple strategy helps to normalize the difficulties my supervisees might be experiencing and make them feel less alone. Especially if their supervisor, someone who by definition is positional to them, has experienced these struggles in the past and is willing to share about those struggles.

I have heard from various trainers that Sue Johnson would say, “learn the stages and steps of EFT and then forget them.” It is like she is saying that there is importance to conceptually knowing the flow of EFT (more about forgetting about the stages and steps below). And conceptualization is important. If an EFT therapist tries to initiate a bonding event in stage 2 prior to de-escalating in stage 1, there will be little progress. Likewise, if a therapist attempts to repair an attachment injury prior to de-escalation and withdrawer reengagement, there could be additional wounding and harm to the client system.

Personally, my entire world changed when I learned The EFT Tango. This was the missing link that helped me put more structure in my sessions and also helped me to know when the couple was ready to enter into the engaged encounter.

For these reasons, it is also important for the EFT supervisee to have a conceptual understanding of not just EFT, but attachment and emotional regulation as well.

When I’m working with a supervisee, I often use conceptual pieces to help my supervisee learn while working with them. For example, if a supervisee is asking for help on the EFT Tango, I might use the EFT Tango while talking with them.

A second strategy for helping supervisee learn the conceptual pieces of EFT and attachment theory is by asking them to tell me which stage, step and EFT Tango move they are working in and how they know when showing me video clips.

Another strategy for helping supervisees gain conceptual knowledge is through the use of handouts and worksheets. Over the years I have come across several helpful resources so I share these with the supervisee. In addition, I direct supervisee to other resources, like free videos on the internet and videos they can purchase on the ICEEFT website. Personally, I also really like The Practice of Becoming an Emotionally Focused Therapist: The Workbook. The quiz questions help to facilitate learning concepts of EFT.

Now for the other half of Sue Johnson’s statement. Forget about the stages and steps so that we can work experientially, not cognitively. This is the area that I have to constantly remind myself to focus on and use as my vehicle for learning. Experiencing helps to integrate the lesson and helps to implicitly process concepts while instilling a deeper confidence for the supervisee. Here again we have some parallel process occurring by teaching the supervisee how to work with emotion by doing it with the supervisee. The supervisee can then go to the client and work with emotion.

As I mentioned before, I often use the EFT Tango in supervision when processing a supervisee’s goal for supervision. For example, I start with the present process that is occurring for my supervisee in supervision. I ask her, “what is it like for you right now to show this clip?” and “what are you feeling right now?” as we talk about blocks and person of the therapist.

Another strategy for working experientially is putting theory into practice through the use of role plays. As the supervisor, I want to model the “how to” of working with emotions. After I have processed an intervention conceptually, I will then invite the supervisee into a role play. I usually try to model first, playing the therapist so the supervisee can feel what it might be like as the client to have the particular intervention done to them. It is important to note here that I have learned that sometimes supervisees have a hard time playing the client. They might get caught up in the cognition of what this client would say instead of allowing themselves to be in the experience. Other supervisees have a hard time putting themselves in their client’s shoes. In this case it is important to allow the supervisee to use their own emotional experience, instead of the client’s.

After a few minutes of role playing we pause and process the experience. Then I invite the supervisee into the role play again, this time to play the therapist while I play the client. With this process, the supervisee gets to experientially engage in both roles and allow themselves to feel their emotions in a safe space to play and try different interventions.

Since role playing in itself can be vulnerable, I am keenly aware that self-of-the-therapist struggles can come up in a variety of ways. I am aware of this prior to the role play and am watching for behavioral indicators of blocks, which I will discuss in the next section.

As noted in the previous section, experiential learning is important and valuable to the development of the EFT therapist. However, experiential learning also opens the door for person-of-the-therapist (POTT) issues to arise. When this happens, it is important for me, as the Supervisor, to help the supervisee to identify that this POTT issue is coming up and to help my supervisee to be able to identify how it is impacting their work with their clients. Here again is circularity. For the supervisee to feel emotionally safe enough to explore their POTT issues and blocks, I must continually develop a safe and secure attachment with the supervisee through acceptance, sensitivity, responsiveness and a collaborative stance.

In addition, EFT supervisors need to be aware and competent in identifying blocks for supervisees that could lead to behaviors that negatively impact the therapeutic process. I am always looking for behavioral indicators from my supervisees that might tell me there is a block. For example, when supervisees choose to not turn toward a particular emotion shared by the client; or when the supervisee gets cognitive and psychoeducational instead of curious and experiential.

Supervisors need to also help the supervisee become emotionally grounded, not get hijacked by their own emotional experience outside of their awareness. Therapists who struggle to do this for themselves will also struggle to help their clients with change events.

This then circles back to emotional safety in the supervisory relationship. When I can create a safe space for supervisees to look at their POTT, this will allow them to put down walls and take a look. In the spirit of circularity, when I can respond with empathy and validation, this then increases the emotional safety and security in the supervisory relationship which then allows the supervisee to continue to risk and take peeks at POTT issues. And of course, the strategy for working with blocks is the HEART model, which I am still working to master.